I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
