Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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