My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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