Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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