I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
