i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
