And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
