I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
