you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
