im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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