I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
