You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
