toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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