..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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