She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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