You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
