sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
