You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
