Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
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he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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