I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
