Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
