i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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