i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I checked into jail on foursquare
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Drunk is not a location!
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