wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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