im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
