My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
