she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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