Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
