I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
