that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
