Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
where am i from again
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
