it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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