I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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