If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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