remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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