Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
