if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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