Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I don't deserve a penis
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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