I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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