I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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