Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
