the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
