Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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