I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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