Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
