I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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