well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
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