My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
