Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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