For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We need to get me chipped asap
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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