UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He passed out mid-signature
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
