Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
