i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
50% drunk capacity currently
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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