Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize