walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
