if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
