i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
