Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
