Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
