bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
