All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
