and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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