96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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