I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
