i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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