I just threw up on my dentist
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
