I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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