White coat. Heels.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
