I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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