The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
