tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
