Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
